THE DAILY ELVIS
THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH...
TOP STORY: Group to sing carols in front of ACLU office:
A traditional family values group is getting into the spirit of the season with a planned carol sing at the Washington, D.C., offices of the ACLU! That's right, the ACLU - America's modern-day Christmas Scrooge. The carolers are hoping the group's lawyers will be convinced to embrace moral values.
Charles Dickens must be smiling.
MAJOR STORIES NOW POSTED:
* Churches threaten boycott of Target over ban on Salvation Army ringers
* Hanukkah to be celebrated at Brandenburg Gate with 15-foot menorah
* Lesbian teacher facing criminal charges after she 'married' girl in pagan ritual
* Farah on PAX TV today battling Barry Lynn
OTHER MUST-READ HIGHLIGHTS:
* Schools snub Christian group - won't allow fliers despite federal court ruling
* Iran threatens 'Top Secret' counter-attacks for acts against country's nuclear facilities
* Bus driver fired for citing stem-cell information she heard from Mel Gibson
* College concert for terror-supporting charity
Nova Southeastern University hosts fund-raiser for group with jihad ties
The ACLU exposed!
Explosive investigative report on America's most dangerous group
'Wild at Heart' - at a wild price!
Best seller on 'Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul'
'Raising Maidens of Virtue'
A Study of Feminine Loveliness for Mothers and Daughters
NOT A WORD HAS BEEN CHANGED IN THIS TRANSMISSION FROM THE HOLY PEOPLE, JUST HI LIGHTING AND EMPHASIS ADDED. NO PILGRIMS, VIRGINS, CARD-CARRYING ACLU MEMBERS, DUCKS, MENORAHS, OR LESBIANS WERE MAIMED IN THE FORWARDING OF THIS DISPATCH. A FEW FEELING MIGHT BE HURT THOUGH.
ACTUAL SOURCE HAS BEEN DELETED AS A MATTER OF SAFETY AND TO ENSURE THAT NO CROSSES WILL BE BURNED ON LAWNS OR OTHER SOURCES OF VEGAN DELICACIES.. THIS TRANSMISSION IS TO BE SEEN AS JEST, SATIRE, AND FAIR USE OF A PUBLIC SHARED EMAIL SYSTEM. THE HOLY PEOPLE STILL HAVE THEIR HOLINESS. AND I AM STILL SEEN AS A HORRID SINNER (ONCE MARRIED TO A LESBIAN, NOW POSING AS A HAPPILY MARRIED (LEGALLY) STRAIGHT PERSON. ONCE CANNOT GO SO FAR AS DESCRIBING ME AS A WOMAN HOWEVER. I MAY BE A EUNUCH DRESSED IN A WINNIE THE POOH SWEATSHIRT. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT...
ELVIS HOWEVER, HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.